Positive Adoption Language

Since we are still waiting for THE CALL to bring our daughters home, I though I would do a Sunday series that shares some of the many things we have learned about adoption along the way. We can't speak from actual experience at this point, but what I share will come from those who have gone through this before us.

Our first step on our adoption journey began with a one day International Adoption Seminar in Toronto, Ontario presented by Sofie Stergianis of Adoption Resources. (Let me just say that she is positively fantabulous!!)

One of the first things we learned at the seminar was positive adoption language. We didn't know all this stuff either when we started, so don't panic if you read something and think , "oh no, I've totally blown it with a particular adoptive family." As adoptive families, we know that most people are only curious, interested in adopting themselves, or are just trying to be nice. Unfortunately most negative adoption language is learned through the media, so if you've used some of these words phrases before, don't kick yourself. It's a learning curve. Believe me, I still catch myself using improper adoption language on occasion and want to kick myself!

Without further ado:

Positive Language                                                       Negative Language

Birthparent                                                                     Real parent
Biological parent                                                            Natural parent
Birth child/ Biological child                                             Own child
My child                                                                        Adopted child/ Own child
Born to unmarried parents                                              Illegitimate
Terminate parental rights                                                Give up
Make an adoption plan                                                  Give away
To parent                                                                       To keep
Waiting child                                                                  Adoptable child/ Available child
Biological father                                                             Begetter
Making contact with                                                       Reunion
Parent                                                                            Adoptive parent
International adoption                                                     Foreign adoption
Adoption triad                                                               Adoption triangle
Permission to sign a release                                            Disclosure
Search                                                                           Track down parents
Child placed for adoption                                               An unwanted child
Court termination                                                           Child taken away
Child with special needs                                                 Handicapped child
Child from abroad                                                          Foreign child
Was adopted                                                                 Is adopted

As you can see the list is pretty extensive, so as I've said before, don't beat yourself up if you've used improper adoption language. The key is to remember not to use it next time :o). Next Sunday I'll do a post on the things you should never say to an adoptive family.

Blessings!