Some Words to Remember

The first three years in a new family are the foundation of the first decade of an adopted child's development. Likewise, the three preteen years from ten through twelve are the foundation for an older child's second decade, from thirteen to early adulthood. When parents are not aware of an adventurous preteen's  need for extra connection with then, they inadvertently let the child revert to using coping skills as a way to manage emotions and behavior. Expecting too much independence on the part of your preteen in fact weakens the child-parent connection and disengages the "foot brake" of emotional and behavioral control that is so important for internationally adopted children of all ages.

from: Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child by Patty Cogen