Friday, November 16, 2012

Courtship?

We have not entered the dating season of life yet in this house (thank you, Lord!!), but I'm sure it is coming in the not too distant future. Bub has especially liked the same young lady since he was in grade six (wow!!), but has no plans to pursue her at this point because, 1) he can't drive yet, 2) dating is a waste of time in highschool. Too much drama!! (His words not mine.) 3) there are too many things he wants/needs to do yet before he is ready to settle down. Peach is being noticed by the male species despite the fact that she doesn't seem to notice them. And Beans, well, Beans has a young lad who is sweet on her and she quite likes him too. Thankfully, in grade 7 that's all it means -- at least for these two it does.They talk to each other when they see each other and that's about it.

In other words, we can no longer choose to be blissfully unconcerned about boy girl relationships in our home. Our kids have always had good friends of the opposite gender. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that they were home schooled. Boys or girls didn't have cooties. They liked to do fun things too. Now that they're in school, my older ones still quite enjoy the company of the opposite gender. To quote Beans, "boys actually do stuff. Girls just stand around and talk. It's soooo boring!"

In order to get the wheels turning and my brain around this whole boy-girl relationship thing, I've read two of Joshua Harris's books. I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Boy Meets Girl. The first one I did as a summer read aloud to Bub and Peach. It was great because they expressed thoughts and opinions and helped me see things from their perspective.

I found both books very good reads. I greatly appreciated that Harris clearly expresses that there is no rulebook to follow when you court and that just because he and his now wife Shannon, took the road to marriage a particular way doesn't mean that his readers should do the exact same as them. It has to be what works for you and your situation at the time. What I really liked is how Joshua stresses that God needs to be first in each individual's life and in the relationship as a couple. Easy? No way!! God's way? Ultimately the best road for a great relationship that is honest, caring, loving, and lasting!

The only questions that really remain unanswered for me is what happens if Boy meets Girl and they're both young yet, but their families can see that they're God designed for each other? I'm not saying this has happened, but I do know it's very possible.

Around here (anyway), this kind of dating (we'll call it courting as Joshua does) is pretty much unheard of, so how do you go about teaching your children and their possible future spouses that the road is much better if you do it God's way? Thankfully we're not crossing any of those bridges yet, and I do believe Harris has yet another book in this series which might be able to answer those questions. We're entering uncharted territory here my friends, but it's going to be an interesting ride!!

God does not want you to awaken love until the time is right.  Song of Solomon 2:7 paraphrased.

Blessings!

5 comments:

  1. Good post Deborah!

    I particularly agree with your kids. There is just too much drama to date in high school, and your Beans made me laugh. Boys actually DO do things. Peach sounds more like Erin to me, and I just love it! She would much rather hang out with her girlfriends then be around the guys. She does talk to a few in her grade, and does find them very amusing though. :)

    It's funny because just last night my mom and I were talking for a while about this. How it's best to wait for the one God has planned for you, and that just being friends is the best thing sometimes. To be honest I do like a guy at my school, and he likes me too.

    I even talked to him about this, and how we'll pray for what God wants. It's so good to have friends that will listen and wait. :)

    Say hi to your teenagers and preteen for me!
    ~Michlyn

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  2. Oh Deborah, we're in the same age bracket so I can relate, though my boys seem pretty oblivious to girls as of yet (thank the Lord!) I like the way Jena put it with her kids - something to the effect that it's good to let that part of you "stay asleep" at least through high school. But it's a natural (and good!) think God built into us, to be attracted to the opposite sex.

    I just picked up a book - but haven't read it yet - because the reviews sounded so good. It's called Sex, Dating, and Relationships (Check Amazon reviews for more details.)

    The basic premise is that the Bible talks about three kinds of human relationships - marriage, family, and neighbor. Dating is an activity, not a category of relationships, so you treat your date as a neighbor (or possibly a sister/brother). Also, there is no real commitment in dating (or courting) until there's an engagement.

    I'm probably not summarizing very well, but I can't wait to read it!

    Julie

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  3. Deborah,
    I'm leaning on both you and Julie to help us out since our kids are just behind yours! Aaron and I met when we were eleven and started dating just before I turned 16. Now, I look back and can't believe what are parents let us do :-) Maybe hiding our kids on a South Pacific island is a good idea...

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  4. http://www.fraiselachrymose.blogspot.co.uk/2012/11/paths-that-cross.html

    Hi Deborah, I actually went to the post office today and posted your book and had a little adventure there- story above!

    I love this post- this verse from Song of Songs has been very much in my mind this week.

    Do you know the novels of Frances O'Roark Dowell- she's the blog left-Handed Housewife? I read Ten Miles Past Normal and thought that if I had daughters I would buy every one of Frances' books to read with them. Chaste but realistic. Great examples of good relationship decisions. I was very impressed.

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  5. I like the idea of the books being done as a read aloud. I need to get on that before it's too late!

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