Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Trying to Keep it Together :oS

I'm struggling this week. Struggling to keep it all together. My fuse is short. I'm tired. Tired of waiting. Tired of knowing half my children are an ocean away

And there's nothing I can do about it...

But wait...

And then when I'm tired of waiting...

Wait some more.

I was blessed with a very special gift on a sunny morning a week ago today. It was some photos that were sent to me. They were photos of our daughters awaiting us in the Philippines. They were taken on the evening of the day they had their medicals. They're in the hotel room, relaxed, full of smiles, and all with ebony wild hair :o). They are so beautiful! Their eyes just draw me right in. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I have looked at those photos.

Last week Tuesday was nine whole months since we learned of our daughters. I'm ready for this "pregnancy" to be over! If they called tomorrow I think we would be on the plane by the weekend.

The call will come soon now. We're down to the final three to ten weeks of our wait. As the time crawls closer to travel, my thoughts drift more and more often to wondering what our daughters are thinking.

So much loss,

so much change,in their lives already.

My heart breaks for them.

I ask myself if it is really fair to pull them away from everything they know, caregivers who love them...

I do know that a loving home with a mom and dad and brother and sisters is still better than a loving caring orphanage, but still...

again more loss.

If you would like to read a poignant tale on loss and adoption to understand better what I am talking about,  go here at Adoption Magazine.

Marching on,

12 comments:

  1. Oh, Deborah, I'll pray for you in your time of waiting, frustration, questions....and for your daughters, as well. {{{hugs!!}}}

    beth

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  2. dB...

    Waiting is so very hard.
    Their loss is heartbreaking.
    As they grow, and be able to verbalize that loss, we praise God they will have you to walk alongside them thru it.

    Praying for you all today, sweetie.

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  3. The tenderness that you have in your heart for these wee little ones will ease the pain that the loss brings into their little lives. We hold you tight in our hearts and prayers. May God grant that soon, the phone call will reach you and soon you will reach your wee little ones.
    blessings
    ~a

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  4. your post made me tear up. Praying for you and your sweet family!

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  5. Hang in there, dearest. Soon now.

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  6. Not too much longer now my friend and you will have a full/fuller house.
    Praying for you as you wait for "the call"
    Love to you and your family.

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  7. I don't know how you bear up through all the waiting. I think I'd be a bundle of adrnaline!

    Praying for you all,

    Julie

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  8. I'm not good with waiting... I can relate! I'm praying for you!

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  9. Deborah! You are in prayers!!! I was in your shoes a couple of months ago. Know that the wait does end. Right now, my daughter is upstairs, asleep peacefully in her bed...here at HOME!!! I also felt terrible for her loss of everything she knows, including a loving & affluent foster family. But, you're right...a forever family is still better! And as I look at my happy thriving little girl, I now know that this is TRUE! I know it will be for your daughters as well...

    Blessings,
    Agnes

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  10. So hard. Whispering a prayer for you this morning.

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  11. Oh, Deborah, what a full heart you have! I'm so glad these girls are coming home to you. They are blessed, and you, too.

    xofrances

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  12. The fact that you are already reading and learning and opening your eyes and heart to try to understand the loss your daughters have faced/ will face gives them a head start. There will be much to work through and many hard days ahead, but it truly is a miracle to watch the healing begin to unfold and to experience the transformation when as the song says "love takes (them) in".

    The countdown is really on now and that is part of what is making the wait harder. It gets more acute the closer you get.

    Praying for your girls' hearts to be being prepared for all that is to come...

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Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I love to hear from my readers!

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